So finally clean out my blog

So I finally clean out my blog, has been wanting to do it in years, but never got around to do it, mainly never really have the time to do it. It's not perfect yet, there are definitely rooms for improvement, but oh well...that's all I can do for now.

I had a panic attack this afternoon, so I decided to do something relaxing tonight, which is blogging.

Blogging is somewhat relaxing, but also discouraging sometimes. It's like "Who's gonna read your shit" Oh well...life could be a bitch sometimes, can't worry about everything.

As you guys know I'm in the edge of being kicked out from school, I hve been hving a lot of emotional distress, this afternoon, I snapped. (lol didn't kill any1, just suddenly felt super sick)

My stomach was in excruciating pain, my bronchus shrunk, I couldn't breath very well, I puked, I could really feel that my blood pressure dropped a lot, I was feeling very weak, dizzy, I worried that I'm gonna pass out any minute, so I crawled to the bathroom, just in case I did, I won't hit my head on anything. I was shaking, felt very cold, and I had cold sweat, my face were so pale and there were dark circles around my eyes. I had so much negative thoughts spinning around my head, couldn't get rid of em'. I kept saying to myself, don't snap, if i do, i can't enjoy any happiness for the rest of my life, i said to myself, if i don't succeed, it's not the end of the world, there are so much more u can do in the rest of your life. I kept reinforcing positive ideas inside my head. I know why ppl snap and do something really crazy, when it happened to me, i felt like there are so many negative thoughts spinning inside my head, and they speak louder than my positive thoughts.

After 20 mins to half an hour, i wasn't even keeping track of time, it felt very long, and that's the longest and hardest panic attack I've ever had. I understand why ppl would snap and go crazy, cuz when u are in that state, it was really hard to get out of that state.

P.S I was so sick I almost called 911