Do you believe in Karma?

1:31 am, extremely tired, but still wanna blog.

so as you know, i'm still not out of my depressive episodes, i cried everytime i think about my current situation, feeling helplessness, I'm willing to do watever was asked, but my physical limitations hinder me. Everyone just thought I'm being lazy. I'm not!

This catch 22 situation has been extremely bothersome. There's absolutely no way I can resolve it.

I cried pretty much several times a day, just everytime I think about it.

I have made drastic changes in my diet. Before, I was pretty much a vegeterian. Several days ago, I started consuming a lot of meat in my diet. Today I even bought some steaks. I'm hoping that by eating more meat / meat protein, it will help me with my back.

I can't believe I have back pain (not sure what the cause is...i mean what can it be? probably a herniated disc)

My left knee also hurts...I fell almost 6 months ago...and I suspect I torn my medial meniscus.

Trust me, I'm in the medical field, I know what's going on in my body.

I guess bad things happened to me cuz I'm not a nice person. I was a total nasty brat when I was a kid. You can't even believe the stuff I did.

Now they all come back to me.

I don't think that only happens to me, I noticed that one of the girl in my elementary school, she was a total bitch, her life isn't that good either now.

Hopefully I can be a better person now and good things will happen to me.

I can't complain i'm in a terrible state, at least there is a small aspect of my life that is good. I'm glad, otherwise I will definately get depression, and who knows what I'm gonna do.

this is probably one of the most comforting blog I've ever posted, I type as my thought goes along, I didn't look back to see if it flows or make sure it sounded alright, basically it's like free styling. Watever...

Peace out!