So followed my panic attack yesterday, I cried when i ate lunch today, I cried last nite, I couldn't sleep, everytime I lay on the bed the depressive thoughts creeps inside my head.
I really need help.
I'm worry that I'll get psychiatric illness.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
So finally clean out my blog
So I finally clean out my blog, has been wanting to do it in years, but never got around to do it, mainly never really have the time to do it. It's not perfect yet, there are definitely rooms for improvement, but oh well...that's all I can do for now.
I had a panic attack this afternoon, so I decided to do something relaxing tonight, which is blogging.
Blogging is somewhat relaxing, but also discouraging sometimes. It's like "Who's gonna read your shit" Oh well...life could be a bitch sometimes, can't worry about everything.
As you guys know I'm in the edge of being kicked out from school, I hve been hving a lot of emotional distress, this afternoon, I snapped. (lol didn't kill any1, just suddenly felt super sick)
My stomach was in excruciating pain, my bronchus shrunk, I couldn't breath very well, I puked, I could really feel that my blood pressure dropped a lot, I was feeling very weak, dizzy, I worried that I'm gonna pass out any minute, so I crawled to the bathroom, just in case I did, I won't hit my head on anything. I was shaking, felt very cold, and I had cold sweat, my face were so pale and there were dark circles around my eyes. I had so much negative thoughts spinning around my head, couldn't get rid of em'. I kept saying to myself, don't snap, if i do, i can't enjoy any happiness for the rest of my life, i said to myself, if i don't succeed, it's not the end of the world, there are so much more u can do in the rest of your life. I kept reinforcing positive ideas inside my head. I know why ppl snap and do something really crazy, when it happened to me, i felt like there are so many negative thoughts spinning inside my head, and they speak louder than my positive thoughts.
After 20 mins to half an hour, i wasn't even keeping track of time, it felt very long, and that's the longest and hardest panic attack I've ever had. I understand why ppl would snap and go crazy, cuz when u are in that state, it was really hard to get out of that state.
P.S I was so sick I almost called 911
I had a panic attack this afternoon, so I decided to do something relaxing tonight, which is blogging.
Blogging is somewhat relaxing, but also discouraging sometimes. It's like "Who's gonna read your shit" Oh well...life could be a bitch sometimes, can't worry about everything.
As you guys know I'm in the edge of being kicked out from school, I hve been hving a lot of emotional distress, this afternoon, I snapped. (lol didn't kill any1, just suddenly felt super sick)
My stomach was in excruciating pain, my bronchus shrunk, I couldn't breath very well, I puked, I could really feel that my blood pressure dropped a lot, I was feeling very weak, dizzy, I worried that I'm gonna pass out any minute, so I crawled to the bathroom, just in case I did, I won't hit my head on anything. I was shaking, felt very cold, and I had cold sweat, my face were so pale and there were dark circles around my eyes. I had so much negative thoughts spinning around my head, couldn't get rid of em'. I kept saying to myself, don't snap, if i do, i can't enjoy any happiness for the rest of my life, i said to myself, if i don't succeed, it's not the end of the world, there are so much more u can do in the rest of your life. I kept reinforcing positive ideas inside my head. I know why ppl snap and do something really crazy, when it happened to me, i felt like there are so many negative thoughts spinning inside my head, and they speak louder than my positive thoughts.
After 20 mins to half an hour, i wasn't even keeping track of time, it felt very long, and that's the longest and hardest panic attack I've ever had. I understand why ppl would snap and go crazy, cuz when u are in that state, it was really hard to get out of that state.
P.S I was so sick I almost called 911
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Agent Orange
http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.thewe.cc/thewe_/images_5/_/vietnam/steady_footsteps_agent_orange_victim.jpe&imgrefurl=http://www.thewe.cc/weplanet/asia/vietnam/agent_orange_deformites.htm&usg=__8XtsMOQKKOyjFFNJH3eAAklyqgA=&h=587&w=457&sz=54&hl=en&start=6&um=1&itbs=1&tbnid=IartxNZELNA3-M:&tbnh=135&tbnw=105&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dclaw%2Bhand%26hl%3Den%26client%3Dfirefox-a%26rls%3Dorg.mozilla:en-US:official%26sa%3DN%26um%3D1
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Deep Shit
all my effort, all my hardwork, all the shit I put up with, studying therapy in here is a fucking joke
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
God please help
I'm a sinner. Please forgive me.
I beg you to help me.
Please. I'm sorry I don't practice Christian principles. But I believe you exist and I believe you have the power to fix everything.
Please help me.
I know I only come to you everytime I'm in trouble. I know I have made so many promises that I did not keep.
I'm really sorry.
I'm stressed out, I'm under a lot of pressure, I'm terrified and I'm scared. Really scared.
Am I a really bad person?
Am I a really bad therapist so u want to stop me from practicing? or do you think i'm gonna get hurt practicing so u want to stop me from achieving?
Please be with me when I have to deal with different people tomorrow.
Please help me change their mind set so everything can be resolved simply and happily.
God, I'm really scared.
Will I be able to overcome it?
Please don't leave me. Please help me on this one.
I'm sorry.
I beg you to help me.
Please. I'm sorry I don't practice Christian principles. But I believe you exist and I believe you have the power to fix everything.
Please help me.
I know I only come to you everytime I'm in trouble. I know I have made so many promises that I did not keep.
I'm really sorry.
I'm stressed out, I'm under a lot of pressure, I'm terrified and I'm scared. Really scared.
Am I a really bad person?
Am I a really bad therapist so u want to stop me from practicing? or do you think i'm gonna get hurt practicing so u want to stop me from achieving?
Please be with me when I have to deal with different people tomorrow.
Please help me change their mind set so everything can be resolved simply and happily.
God, I'm really scared.
Will I be able to overcome it?
Please don't leave me. Please help me on this one.
I'm sorry.
Friday, February 5, 2010
陳曉東- 劃火柴
Just recently came across with this song again. It was released in 2002 or 2003, something like that.
It makes me feel nostalgic. During that time, I just graduated from college, finished my undergrad, had so much spirits in me, really believed in myself, excited to enter the adult work world, really thought that i was gonna kick ass. really thought that i was better than any1 else. I was in Asia. I was young. It was a fucking awesome time.
10 years has passed. My 20s is almost over. Heading towards the big 30. What am i gonna do with my next 10 years.
It makes me feel nostalgic. During that time, I just graduated from college, finished my undergrad, had so much spirits in me, really believed in myself, excited to enter the adult work world, really thought that i was gonna kick ass. really thought that i was better than any1 else. I was in Asia. I was young. It was a fucking awesome time.
10 years has passed. My 20s is almost over. Heading towards the big 30. What am i gonna do with my next 10 years.
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